The latest, despite living 1000 miles apart now, there is still some mutual feelings there despite it being quite a while that we often go a few months without talking. There's also an important difference between having a friend ship and being friend ly. How frequently to you meet? I don't think it's impossible to be friends, but it takes time and some work, depending on the relationship. My ex wants to be friends after he dumped me — He breaks up with you but wants to be friends. It's doable. I do not like to burn bridges unless necessary. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. References Carnell, S. (2012, May 14). 1.1 1. However, if your ex never gives in after several invitations to dinner or coffee, it means s/he is not interested in meeting up with you. Just the one I mentioned and a really long-term relationship where we tried to stay friends and failed miserably because he put on a front instead of telling me he was bitter, until he finally came clean that he didn't want me in his life. It's less of an obligation/pressure and more of a gentle offer. You would tell your friends if their ex missed them, so they'll do the same for you. These negative traits are the reason they’re likely to want to stay friends after a break up. However, I feel like instead of ending it with a "can we be friends?" The ill-fated “lets be friends” cliche is still alive and well. Remaining friends directly out of the breakup has the potential to just hurt you all over again when they date someone else or try to move on themselves. I think people can be friends after breaking up, but there needs to be a clean break period first. Trying to be friends I mean. That could mean your ex wants to know about you but doesn’t dare to contact you directly. This could either be to keep tabs on his ex or because he doesn't believe their relationship is truly over. I barely remember the break up though (horrible accident did some damage to my brain). Hope you're doing well now and glad that you kept her as a friend! When your ex tells you they want to be friends, you are actually being presented with a huge opportunity. Yes of course it depends on the relationship, if it ended poorly or a partner should not be in your life I think most people completely understand that. That lasted a whole couple of weeks. It really depends on the circumstances of your break up. I'll be around if you want to, too." If you start to feel jealous or hurt in some way...don't be afraid to take time for yourself to heal first. my ex and I are still texting 3 months since our affair ended and shes trying again with the ex she broke up with to start our thing. Being friends with an ex (if you were in a serious relationship) is not recommended, if you are in a new and growing relationship. Recently my BF of a year broke up with me. If we break up due to betrayal, inability to get along, etc. If you try and find that it’s hurting your heart to be around them, there is … If we end it on a good, mutual note, sure. However, I will just do the fade away. Just be aware of your own feelings. If it's a mutual breakup and you're on good terms, I don't see a problem with being friends. A couple past girls and I tried to be fuck buddies after a break up. And it's been no contact since then, which is a better choice I think. One (first and only person I've ever been in love with) took years for me to get to a place where I could have a conversation with her and not feel anxious, sad, upset, jealous, etc. When your ex just wants to be friends, it is not necessary a bad thing. I have never wanted to remain friends with any of my exes. Sorry that you had to get a restraining order, in addition to the break up it seems really tough. she couldn't move on and seeing me with other girls was rough for her. She even organised my last birthday party. Worse still, if she says, “…not in that way, I'm not sure, or I'm not ready…”, think twice. Falling for your ex’s mind games only gives your ex a heightened sense of superiority and a license to do it again, and again. If your ex still cares for you, then s/he would be dying to see you again if given a chance. If your ex is already in a new relationship , don’t let … And for people who aren’t just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say “no” to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. I realize that each of us will have sexual partners and be eventualy in another relationship. Most of us know it all too well. Relationships aren’t built on apathy. Here are seven things to do if your ex wants to stay friends and you don't, according to experts. I would want to remain friends, or at least on good terms, with an ex so long as the break up wasn't nasty. A relationship is different from a friendship because of the intimacy involved. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it … Last I heard she blames me for being the one to stop talking. I tried to stay friends with him but he would freak out about me talking to other guys and would just behave really irrationally about us. Nope. Rather, they'll be happy, and might even wish you well. Those friends all seem pleasant around you. If he's still in touch with her family, it is because he wants to be. Yeah, I assume both parts must be ok that the relationship ended and know that there's likely no chance for a come back. She even organised my last birthday party. A period of time is needed for both partners to move on (cutting all contact is best). They wouldn't lie to you about something like this, and you deserve to know. After breakup or divorce you and your ex are still talking, and you are realizing that there might be a way to become more intimate… You’ve picked up on your ex’s hints, or maybe you’re wondering how you could get them back into your bed. If he wants a life with me, then he needs to give up the life he had with her. But after the initial excitement from the ex text has worn off, the feelings that follow can be a mixed bag. Break-ups can bring out the “mean” in even the sweetest of us. But when she tells you blankly that she just wants to be your friends, she is not interested in you. I have exes who I’m still friends with and exes I’m most certainly not friends with. Very often, exes want even less than that. After all, he has loved you in the past. Apparently we got back together for a monthish after we broke up, don't remember that at all. On the other, you’re frustrated because you don’t want this communication to derail the important progress you’ve made in moving on. Huge red flag that his ex wife refused to acknowledge me and turned their daughter against me as well. Your ex is probably asking around to find out if he or she has a chance of getting back together with you, because your ex still cares about you and wants you back. He said he still wants to be friends. All seemed to be going well in be-friends town until she said one day "I think we need to stop talking so much" and "Why don't you shut the fuck up?" On the one hand, you’re relishing the fact that you’re still on this person’s mind. But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. Wanting to be friends with you. ended in me breaking her heart. That sounds like what I'm aiming at. I'm generally not a big fan of people being sort of 'grandfathered' into having a spot in my life. Took me a year to realize that i really couldn't deal with that in high school so we broke up. I do not think it's possible to fall immediately into a great friendship after a breakup. It is common to find a man resisting the urge to ask a girl out after they have been just friends. He had the idea that maybe I will change my mind and as a result...things got creepy and weird quickly. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it … Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security … But I still want her as friend, because after 7 years she's probably the person who knows the most about me. . It comes down to the specific relationship. If I can remain cordial with someone, it stresses me out much less than trying to cut every part of them from my life. I think that if my current boyfriend and I were to break up...we would remain friends. What if she’s still in love with him? Cookies help us deliver our Services. An exception might be if the couple breaks up easily and mutually. For all three I've tried that with. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. But if after two months, your ex still calls you names, talks down to you, publicly ignores you or treats you insensitively, you might want to ask yourself if … 3-This guy is a potential mate because he has already been her boyfriend or boy-toy. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 9. I still talk to both my long term exes. Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. Here’s what it means if her ex is still … I think it's good to go no contact for a couple months before trying to have a friendship, just so you aren't still emotionally attached. If an ex is still in the picture he gives her these 3 needs… 1-He is the key to security. 14 Signs Your Ex is Over You and Doesn’t Want You Back; 16 Ways to Move On When You Still Love Your Ex; 14 Ways to Stay Friends with Your Ex After a Breakup; 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Move On From Your Ex; 10 Inspirational Tips to Heal a Broken Heart; 9 Ways to Live Your Life to the Fullest While Being Single Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash. Your Ex Wants Sex With No Strings; 1.4 4. Glad to hear that it's possible! He said it was because he has too much going on in his life right now and didn't want to disappoint me by not living up to my expectations. Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. An ex and I broke up once because although we got along great, but what we had simply wasn't love. Ex … If it was a completely one-sided breakup, I would probably have a problem with being friends. He was friends with one of the girls for many years they dated and were sexually active a few months before we started dating but they still hang out just as friends. 1 Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends. I wasn't okay with my exes until Atleast 4 months post breakup and now we're really good friends and still hang out. I can't imagine having her not in my life. 1 ... And no one wants the added pressure of an ex who wants more than you can give. Hopefully, if you ask for what you want and stick to it, healing will come just a … Your ex boyfriend wants to be friends. At some point in his life he loved her, and at this point he loves me. I'm currently going through a breakup and he hopes we can one day be friends. You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You. Just because your ex doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you, doesn't mean they don't care. It also depends on the relationship itself. not well. That's the thing, I don't really want to forget about her. By now, it’s not a question of whether you should or shouldn’t be—the question is whether your ex really wants to be just a … Also, there are certain scenarios where it is possible to have a friendship post-love affair: Say you pretty much grew up together—and then sort-of outgrew each other. In my opinion, guys want to remain friends to keep the door open in case she needs ANY type of assistance. It's just after some time for being friends...we pulled apart and went our separate ways. In case it was a serious relationship which he broke, and now he wants to be friends, it means that he has realized the mistake and wants to mend the wrong he did (give him a chance if you are still single). And for some it might be. Ahhh, the “friends with an ex” conversation. If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. It is my opinion that it is best to make a clean break - At first, at least - And then re-visit the friendship later, when the feelings from the romantic relationship have faded. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Sort of like a "Break glass in case of emergency" type of … After a breakup, if it wasn't on awful terms why waste all that time knowing someone so well if there are some qualities of a friendship? But I still want her as friend, because after 7 years she's probably the person who knows the most about me. I treasure one of my friend-exes and can’t see my life without him, while another of my friend exes … well, let’s just say if he disappeared from my life forever, I … But they were bad to me in the relationship. It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. A lot of people will tell you it's impossible. You may want to deny that your ex misses you and still cares about you, but you should trust that your friends care about you, too. They could be missing you but do not want to convey their feelings. The best thing for both of them to do is to move on without each other. So you’re here because you want to know the signs your ex wants you back… but is too stubborn to admit it.. You broke up, but you’re realizing (or already realized) life without him isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If the relationship ends amicably, staying close with the person can make it hard to move on. By the time our relationship had deteriorated to that point, I was just glad to have them out of my life for good. If your friends ever tell you that your ex asked your relationship status, it's a major sign that he or she misses you. The right amount of contact with a good ex will vary situationally. 5. Press J to jump to the feed. Let me know! Like, if I think you're adding value to my life I'll keep you around but if you're not then I'm not going to stay friends just because we dated. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. Sometimes, our ex-husband wants to be friends so he can still … They're still in love, can't imagine the ex with someone else, or didn't want the relationship to end in the first place. Most of the time when an ex says he still wants to be friends, he's really saying that he’s not ready to cope with the loss. For example: A woman might say to her ex man, “I think we should be friends.We should stay in touch.” Rather than agree with her about being “friends” and then immediately organize a meet up where he can reactivate some of her feelings for him in person, he instead says, “Sure, lets be friends.Text me or call me if you want to say hi” and he then waits for her to contact him. Nope, I dont really get the obsession people have with this idea. They Want The Best Of Both Worlds If they're genuinely concerned about you, of course they will ask mutual friends … Do not remain friends with someone who has tried to destroy you in the past; they most likely are planning to do more of the same in the present. 3. I don't feel a generalized need to be friends with people I've dated after the fact. then no, probably not. Well I’m here to tell you that it’s the WRONG way to go about it. Ummmm shitty. If you play your cards right, it is possible to make him fall in love with you again. When assessing whether to be friends with a toxic ex or give them a second chance, remember that true friends do not maliciously harm, exploit or use you. I'm in this position right now, after my SO of 7 years broke up with me. Like they both were bored, saw it wasn't right and would prefer friendship to a relationship. The family gatherings that we usually did most of the work to make happen. And how was the time right after break up, was there a pause after the break up or did you immediatly 'became friends'? A bit of me still has a soft spot for them. Being her “friend” is essentially allowing her to sit on the fence. It […] The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. I really hate the idea of loving someone so intensely and then never seeing them again. The main thing though is it takes time, especially if the relationship was long term. The thing I appreciate most about my most recent ex was that he was strong enough to say he wasn't ready to be friends when we broke up. It always helps to wait till both you and her are in different relationships and are happy with the person that they are, A few year seems like a long time, I'm currently thinking of at least 1 month for every year relationship. The first couple of years were rough, and quite an adjustment period, but we've been friends for over a decade now so I'd say it's a success. In this video, relationship coach Brad Browning, a relationship expert reveals five signs that show if your ex boyfriend wants you back..If your ex wants to have sex with you, it can be a good sign because it shows that he is still attracted to you on some level. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. After 7 months we should have both continued with our lives. On the other hand, if your ex really is seeing someone else, then he is probably over you or at the very least, he wants to give off that impression. It wouldn't work right after the break up. I think it's perfectly possible. Being friends with an ex you still love is a contentious subject. Great advice, thanks! Even if he would never admit it, our ex-husband probably misses the good things about the marriage he gave up. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the “I’d like us to still be friends” conversation often comes into play. Well, my ex was diagnosed with schizophrenia a year and a half in to our relationship. Your Ex Regrets The Decision To Break-Up; 1.2 2. I don't want to get hung up on anything that might be left behind after the relationship is done. Don't cut ties & break off the friendship, but give yourself time to be out of the relationship and move on with out being around them for awhile. We talked regularly for a bit shortly after we broke up. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! When your ex girlfriend mentions that she still wants to be friends, you will be tempted to follow the following common strategy: “Ok I’ll be her friend and stay on her friend zone for a while, and I’ll slowly make my way back and re-attract her again!” Sound familiar? It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. I don’t think it’s healthy to pine after an ex. If we don't do well as lovers, we probably shouldn't spend time with one another. Some can do it, some can’t. Whether it was for his benefit, mine, or he just wasn't interested, I don't know, but it was the right decision. M y ex is one of my closest friends. Not going to happen. How long were you two together? You need to work on getting over your romantic feelings for her before you can be friends. One time it ended badly. When you want your ex back, you’re going to need a platform for communication. Similarly, your ex might be contacting your friends as well, to know about your well-being. I'm friends with one of my exes, we're on great terms. The traditions. I realize that each of us will have sexual partners and be eventualy in another relationship. I know this makes sense to organize your feelings and move on. I'm friendly with all of my ex gfs, but with all of them it took time. The relationship between us was great and I liked being around her. If I got to know them through a relationship, walking away entirely might be the easiest option. It does seem like a lot of people are saying to cut it off for a while of you do want to try remaining cordial. He wants me to meet her but every time i … Your ex comes up with a strange excuse to see you; maybe she came to drop off a sweater of yours, maybe she wants to pick something up from you. After a breakup, you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex.You still care about this person, after all. Personally, if the person was a close friend before, then I think it's worth it. it should be more of a door left open - "I'd still like to be friends. I really felt that my ex liked that his ex wife still might secretly want him back even though he divorced her. They’re built on a series of constant choices. Uff, sounds like a tough time you had. But if you two are to be friends, it won't be right away, it takes time, you can't force it, and you have to recognize and be sensitive to both your feelings and theirs. after a few years, i've become friends with most of mine. I can’t say that I sway one way over the other with this issue. Make her fall in love from the start, so you will not face the awkward situation of "she just wants to be friends". The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as “bad people”, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). This opinion might not be popular or seen as particularly mature but I don't want to extend the hurt feelings of the breakup and the best way in my opinion to get over this person is to not do this. M y ex is one of my closest friends. Press J to jump to the feed. I've done it. Ex is not interested to see you. If you want to be friends with an ex, this is another area where you’ll need to consciously work to reconsider your habits. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. He still wants to be friends and tries to make time for you. Not only would that make me worry about the security of my relationship, but I’d also feel bad for her. High school boyfriend that you dated for two months and then left for another dude? If you want her back, you need to force her to make a choice. I know I was friends with that first ex for months until she got a bf and it was like a dagger to the heart (then didn't talk for about 4 years). I feel like having 7 years in...you have a good chance at maintaining a friendship with her. Being friends with an ex: The pros and when it should be done. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) This is especially true if you still love your ex-girlfriend and she wants to be friends. Give yourself time alone and work on the friendship a little later down the road or as something very low on your to do list, so to speak. Most of the time, it has worked out all right. Overall, the benefits of remaining friends with your ex should constantly outweigh the negatives. I'll be around if you want to, too." Security. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. I had to get a restraining order on him. Relationships are like walking on a tightrope of rainbows. I don’t see exes as just friends, though. I care to know how they're doing. This goes double if you had a … Part of the appeal of "we can still be friends" is that the person who didn't do the breaking up (you in this case) can still hold on to some bit of the relationship and that normally ends up turning into holding out hope that you'l lget back together. In your case, I would step back for awhile. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. The act of seeing someone new can be anything from going on dates and having casual flings to settling into a serious relationship with something new. Long term boyfriend who cheated on you, left you pregnant, and tries to steal money from you at every turn? But I say this as someone who until my current relationship...never been with someone for even a year. How did it work out with you? This is the most obvious reason. It is very easy to slide back into those feelings until they're gone, and no matter how mutual your break up, being friends with an open wound will lead to feelings, resentment, jealousy, and all around misery. I'm friendly with practically everyone I've dated (and divorced). Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends With You After A Breakup. Yeah. It does not give you or your ex time to grieve the loss of the relationship or marriage. Contents. In a breakup there are always going to be some feelings of pain and sadness but do you feel it's better to just cut contact or try to stay on good terms? You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You. It will not work of you don't both take some time apart. Such behavior shows that they are still into you and at least want some reaction from you. Sometimes I've just felt like I've grown beyond the person or that they really are such a negative influence that I want them gone and then sometimes I'm apathetic and then sometimes I wish to hold onto some sort of presence. That level could be emotional or physical, but the attraction is there so if your ex asks you to have sex with him, use it to your advantage. That means no seeing each other, calling/texting/Facebooking each other, nothing. If he still thinks he may still end up with her, he may still view her family as his future family and thus, it makes sense for him to stay connected to his future in-laws. I need a little time to not be friends at all first. If you're trying to get over your ex and your breakup, this post will show you how. Your ex is mean to you (and/or angry at you) most of the time. 7 Reasons Being Friends with Your Ex Doesn’t Work: Most of the time, a post-breakup friendship is a setup for further heartbreak, especially for the person who was left and probably feels rejected. If there is nothing serious going on, you’re the one your ex still wants. Being friends with an ex presents some key challenges. Posting here and not on r/relationships because I want to know how you ladies of reddit feel about this. It's less of an obligation/pressure and more of a gentle offer. It'll stop you from getting over it. However, I'm still friends with a girl who I was intimate/sexual with and loved, but never officially dated. I personally need time to be upset, then angry for a long time, then neutral, then awkward hangouts, then friends! I feel that jumping into friendship straight away can have a negative impact on your relationship. I absolutely agree with this. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. You need some space apart to adjust and what not. I don't know how I feel about that. It's really pleasant because we work together. I always prefer to be on good terms at the very least, but my willingness to be friends depends on the nature of our breakup. after a few months of not seeing each other, breaking all contact, you will slowly begin forgetting about her. If after 3 – 4 months, you are still unable to get your ex to a more “intimate” form of contact (phone call, video chats, face-to-face meetings), or get them to want to communicate more than a few texts here and there, chances are your ex is just stringing you along for their entertainment or revenge. For me it can be hard to restart old friendships after the proverbial bridge has been burnt, is there no way to keep in touch? If they ask for this I'll agree. Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends, but mostly it’s not. However, I feel like instead of ending it with a "can we be friends?" I wouldn't have gotten over him otherwise. The relationship between us was great and I liked being around her. Video Summary. But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. Cookies help us deliver our Services. If she compares you to her brother, relatives, or friends, it’s clear she does not like you. It is my opinion that you cannot be friends WHILE you are breaking up. I would want to remain friends, or at least on good terms, with an ex so long as the break up wasn't nasty. That sounds like the most reasonable thing to do and I was thinking about it already.

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