But I still deep down; felt there was something wrong. How can you be so loving and caring and then completely block me from your world like I’m nothing . It was just over like that. It all started with quick short times apart, then it turned into weeks then months then the final blow up. If suspecting that you may be in a narcissistic relationship it is highly suggested that you do the research, because you may discover very specific traits that all add up to the mind-bending experience which your rational human mind simply can’t fathom. I loved the man I married, although clearly the seeds were sown at that point, and I am NOT what I would consider to be a codependent, but I stuck it out because I refused to believe that he would throw everything away and I could not imagine how he could discard our early life so easily. Crazy crazy stuff. He had admitted at the beginning that he had one affair on her two decades ago, sought marriage counseling and had never repeated it, even though they had both had “emotional affairs” with others over the years. He was obsessed with anal with men . Hi Jolena. I so feel your pain of “coldness” …like it’s a natural normal process without any emotional well. it’s infuriating but in the end the only thing is to get yourself out of it. I am an empath, a lightworker, the good samaritan type, I have a healing ability in my hands so I definitely never have been, I’m not and I’ll definitely never be/become a monster or anything like that. Wauw…..excactly my story. The night was amazing! Believe me, I understand that this relationship has been unhealthy for me and I question myself on why I have stayed and tried to forgive. Stuff. I am in total aww to your saga……mine could be any different. In time you find yourself with nothing to say, you are becoming something you despise, a doormat. The next 4 months were a nightmare. ‘Are you hearing me so far?’ Within a very short time-span, you are convin… best to you. I read close to 50 articles and hundreds of personal accounts from victims. Well fast forward I went to visit him and he was very distant. Does a narc really want to harm you, is that their intent? It sounds as though you are needing support to determine whether or not this relationship is a go for you. “He was incapable of saying, ‘Sorry, my bad. I was with her for 11 years – then we split for a while, I met someone else who was wonderful and I swore that I would never go back (This is before I understood what a narcissistic was or that I was being so damaged). I saw him one last time before it was over. The past couple of days have seen a significant drop off. THIS NEVER TURNED ME OFF- EVER. But I stayed with him—in fact, it took me a while to date anyone else after our relationship ended. Real sicko!!! My kids still cry at least once a month. The honeymoon period is going to be fabulous, that you can be sure of, but it is what follows that you need to worry about. He even ASKED me to move in! She tried to press charges on me that are about to backfire. desperate, deluded, isolated, paranoid, defensive, bitter, angry, rigid, mean, and; abusive. Describes my ex to the last point. I hurt everyday since …. It’s so real and still hurts. There are so many variables at work here. RUN don’t walk & DON’T ever look BACK. Well, out of the blue I was at his house and once he got off work he told me he needed me to get out of his house and wanted me to go home. I humoured this but it escalates. That was a lie too. Great explanation!!! Don’t let your heart rule your gut, let your intuition guide you. Watch out for any gaslighting behaviour toward others, how they behave toward “their betters”, so they suck up to them and model their ways, or do they discredit them. So the silent treatment has lasted a month. I found out the web of lies that she told everyone, and it was bordering on insanity! I have no room for that in my life. Two days later – he messaged me and had wrote a legit poem. . The action you have undertaken (setting up the website to alert others to what a narcissist is so they can act on the red flags) seems to be one that is not consistent with being a narcissist. Getting ourselves mentaly strong enough to deal with the grief …. I had been impressed that he could admit that he made mistakes. People in the narcissist’s life have to go to great lengths to secure their approval, if that’s even possible. Ultimately, the person with narcissism discards his or her dating partner, who served as a source of narcissistic supply to fuel the ego of the individual with narcissistic issues. “Projection occurs when an individual attributes a characteristic that they see in themselves onto another person,” Raichbach says. Still the relationship continued…he told me he loved me, we were sleeping together, and he began talking about a future for us. Get out NOW & HEAL. We spent a little time dancing around it, but the The L words first spoken July 28. They want to just go forward, next victim ..or next project. The day started perfectly, we woke up together, we had sex twice that morning, but then I had to leave to go and work. I gave been trying to get married now 3 1/2 years like I said 3 times we have been engaged. The world will be a better place for it!!!! Because I would look up lack of or no empathy for others and narcissism came up. You will get through it too. very fu***** up .. but LOVE and been NICE will always win ( I hope !?!?! ) That true intimacy and depth of emotion is not experienced by a person with extreme narcissism. He’ll never change, and i am soo tired of the constant ups and downs! Glad it was helpful for you. Why did I let it happen? He would usually love bomb me by promising a future together, going on trips together, but not keeping his word. My only chance at happiness. At Jen, what you speak to is the trauma bond inherent in a love relationship with a narcissist…there are some great articles recently posted about this trauma bond, and I will also be writing about it as well…Healing wishes to you, Andrea. be HAPPY!!! I cried and shook but she had no empathy at all. I went through the same stages every time he disrespects me or whatever it my be, then I confront follow is a argument the the silent treatment. Months later he reopened my business… with a photo that says “hostile take over”. Telling me he couldn’t go a day without talking to me, I was the only thing keeping him going, the reason he was still alive, if I ever stopped talking to him it’d kill him literally by suicide, etc. If you really want to help a person with narcissistic behaviors, try to gently guide them toward therapy. I only thought she was the ONE besides the LOVE bombing and been 15 years older than me..I toughgth she was right.. Incidentally, I discovered that her life (her front) wasn’t authentic. It’s the third time we have been engaged. Sure enough..I found out that she was a narcissists…I was devastated after the fact I was discarded….she would not show empathy at all.. Deep down, the narcissist’s deepest and most powerful fear is that he is a nothing. You are now at the mercy of the evil Mr.(s) Hyde. Real sick! He told me that declining would offend her and he had to comply. She is a dangerous person. Set up boundaries, and walls and surround yourself with accountability partners. I WAS IN LOVE. By that next morning he had emailed me the email read ” please call me I do not feel well” I am such a fool I called ( I should have ignored that message) all for him to inform me that he had order some tickets to an event and in error did it twice and he had been charged twice and so on, not once did he apologize for his horrible words. Flip a switch it’s done. I’m heart broken to think that there is a loving human being under neath it all. Me and my husband didn’t get divorced – in the eyes of the law and the legal system we are still legally and lawfully married to each other and we are still husband and wife. Tons of comments would say, “OMG, beat that kids ass! If I ever tried to playfully tease him he would FREAK OUT and start verbally abusing me, attacking me, and get very, very angry! But working on you will be key. They’re nearly perfect. When confronted she was a crying Damsel is distress and played on my empathy. And Beleive I am ruined forever because if it…my life is forever changed. I know he told me about his childhood and his mother showed absolutely no signs of love towards him period. In the end, those actors…. I’ve recently lost my father and the grief was raw when we met. The number one factor with him was the security needs of the victim & what her/his goals may be. Love YOURSELF because YOUR WORTH IT. How She Manipulates And Changes Her Partners . Do they show respect and care for others, or does everything always have to be about them? Now he is the one discarding me and its like, maybe He had to do it and hurt my pride in order for me to finally heal. And i was always doing things for him yet would receive nothing in return. Sadly, we have been taken advantage of as a couple too. I told him I cared and loved him and wanted to work things out. He called me juvenile, said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and he absolutely did NOT care that my feelings were hurt and that I felt disrespected. She was always nice for a reason, and once I saw that, there was no unseeing that…. He had been dormant since December and has now resurfaced by sending proxies to intimidate me and slander my reputation. I was telling my family & friends – I’ve met my ONE. Leaving a narcissist is worse than living with one. . I awoke the next morning with his hands around my throat. I have started a blog that will hopefully help explain why narcissists become who they are so you can be sure if you have kids to watch out for these types of behaviors and if you encounter a narcissist you can watch out for the red flags. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase. Indian mother and son syndrome! God knows where that came from. Traces of our true selves. ;) A. i recently played some games with my ex n just because i felt power over him . You see the person you fell in love with suddenly emerge once again. Why? One thing that concerned me the most was how he talked about his exes…in every case, he was talked very negatively about them and he was the victim. One day I told him: you said in the beginning that you LOVED sex but you deny sex because of small issues. Eventually the honeymoon phase ended. I’ve been mourning the loss of everything, him, our future, our time together. I have learned a lot from him. Of course I said yes and within a few dates she had met my family, I had met her two kids, and things were almost perfect! That sounds wonderful—and in many cases, it feels pretty great. I was a major victim of a Narcissist! I accidentally discovered this man was a Sociopath!! However, a few things she did and said stuck in my head from the evening. i didt want him , . The next day he told me he needed space and that every thing was moving to fast for him and that he wanted to slow things down. Too bad for him. Bombing began mid-July (oh my god the words . I entered a day treatment program for nine months, followed by two yrs of DBT to become healthier. i had no idea how my relationship went from great to no compromise and isolation. Mel x. It was our whole lives…all we had left after him. This man made promises about the future, causing me to feel so happy, and then the other shoe would drop each time. You are stronger then you know. I feel so violated and so hurt. I first I though it was immaturity and after thine and time of this he would get that it’s is a huge problem. how do i stop the record that keeps playing in my head? CONSTANT communication the first week. That may sound harsh but it’s reality. By month 2 – I started to notice the drinking a lot and abusing of substances. They are very insecure and sensitive people, which means they can take offence very easily. Yes – be careful not to “love” the wrong person – even as friends – it can be gut wrenching when you discover these people simply do not possess the skill set or ability of empathy – they simply don’t even understand it. His new target and him were very happy as advertised. They want you to beg for the closure and it validates in their minds that what they did was justified. However, this isn’t always the case, and sometimes other people are attracted to narcissists because of their intelligence or personality.”. Even though I still feel a bit in shock, I am so relieved that I found out what he truly is, and now it all makes so much sense. Nevertheless, some days were extremely hard. Before you know what has happened, you are isolated, and job done for the narcissist. Things were also blamed on me, even to the point of screaming at me in front of my friend. Once they know you’ve finally figured them out, do they also lose interest? Imagine thinking someone was your good friend only to be dropped like a piece of trash in the wastebasket. Once you realise the unbelievable level of selfishness then you know your energy is wasted on trying to get them to understand or talk about what is wrong with the relationship. Reading this article has really helped! She started emailing my family threatening them with police charges. I have gotten so much healthier and much less tolerant of his treatment of me. I just got away from one of these types and have been silent for one month. What was I to tell them? You really have pointed the exact personality traits that I have been seeing in my husband. A woman never forgets witnessing cold, haughty contempt from one who’d kissed away all her tears. Just like that – he never contacted me again. Despite the nice girl image she tries to portray, she is far from it. How can this person who loved me and waited his whole life just throw me away? Gaslighting was occuring regularly as well. I didn’t ask for any other details or timeline. “That’s something I miss! Completely block them so that they cannot extract narcissistic supply and so that you do not have to be re-traumatized by their dark shadow. He is now in a committed happy relationship and I just feel there is still something wrong with me. This is the time that I’m at my most appreciative and less stressed than at any other time that I’m back living with my husband in our marital home again. This person is definately the latter. My Nar left me after 23 years and said its my fault!! Ever since then, she’s been in overdrive to protect her reputation and shame me. My suffering in this never ending pattern for the rest of my life will kill my self-worth. I am speechless. They keep on coming back why? It really is sad that they cannot ever get help. The day I moved into his home he threw a microwave down the stairs. “It’s important to realize that this kind of behavior comes from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, and will typically become defensive when someone tries to call out their narcissistic behaviors.”, “The best way to deal with a narcissist is to recognize and accept their criticism and bullying comes from a place of insecurity, and therefore isn’t valid,” he adds. 2. planned a family type summer get away, OMG that trip was amazing, the spark was there and he decided that he is moving to my city. I was seeing a therapist and due to no fault of hers, I have stopped going. Posted Apr 08, 2017 I am still suffering tho thanks to YouTube narcissists recovery videos being able to survive.. Red flags started popping up at the devalue and discard phases. And implement NO CONTACT! “Everything was about me. After just reading the single most positively stated, and in turn most empowering paragraph in the reams of literature ever read on this subject having been victimised most damagingly myself I want to thank you for the last paragraph of the above paper: I have moved out of the state. ( myself included!) Everything was surreal at first and still is at times. He also claims we were never together- which is ironic because 4- 5 months prio we both agreed to be exclusive and he would refer to me as the person he is dating and the person he is seeing- i was the first guy he was introducing to his family- repeatedly said how we were such a could match for each other and how he didnt know how he could live without me, im one of the people he cared about he most – HE WAS MOVING TO BE CLOSER WITH ME – i even hooked him up with a job opportunity! He was well known and well liked from the city I was from. He took it from us to hinder our self discovery, and to always be remembered when we got nostalgic for our personal treasures. For those who are wondering, this is what happens-you go from secure togetherness, idyllic contentment and serenity to complete bewilderment, abandonment and confusion, all alone trying to comprehend WHY???”. I cried the entire time because I love him. I am in silent treatment right now with him, and when he will not explain then I turn to the sights about narcissism and it’s a sure action of his. I would tell her that I’d appreciate being asked what I thought, and the look on her face was priceless. Sign Up and Get Listed. I have talked to my daughter, cousin and one of my closest friends. I dont want to be in the picture if yall are still together. They are a bottomless black hole pit that you can NEVER fill! The whirlwind romance had officially started As soon as you stop being The Ideal. Narcissism comes from a surprising place, and we all have some amount of narcissistic characteristics. I also discovered that no one really knew who she was. He blamed me for a number of things and embarrassed me in front of people and made me feel like I was nothing. Email me if you want to compare notes. She was very convincing too. Be sure to like HealthyWay on Facebook to get more stories like this! I told him I thought he was a narc and ill . I am breaking away from my narcissist, and I have contacted the police after he dropped off a note at my work on how he wants to help me out. I just set the blog up recently so there are only a few posts but I encourage you to check it out and follow along with my story. I need to get off this ride please!!! He NOT only isn’t marriage material, he isn’t father material. At the time I thought he was genuinely suicidal and was concerned. Hello Vlp, god i know what you are talking about.I just got on these sites recently and just found out about Narcs recently and it all came to reality this is what has been happening to me 7 years with this woman she just told me we were thru on friday,i kept seeing red flags for months about possibly cheating on me with different guys i believe and all the lies and saying she never said something or never did something ALL the time even though i had pictures of some of what she said she did not do.My hands are shaking as i write this it has been so crazy for along time,she had told me i was her soulmate,it was a once in a lifetime meeting and i was the love of her life, i felt the same way it was how we met to that was unreal i had been with my partner (girlfriend) for 15 years then she passed away.Shortly later i got out of the house to join a hiking group i met her on the very 1st hike and we had been together ever since,the only reason i ended up going was because it was halloween and i could not stand to answer the door or to listen to the kids because me and my girlfriend had brought up my children and other children since birth and we had left them back in ny we had just moved to a new state,so i went on the hike and i felt like a jolt hit me when i met her and called my daughter when i got home and told her of this incredable meeting.So it seemed like it was a once in a lifetime meeting.We built she had built a new house she has money i do not,and we both moved in we were always together 24 /7 we got along great had 2 lazyboy rockers next to each other we got traveled the country and the world then after 5 years i had to move because of changes in alimony laws,you cant live with the person getting alimony.Ever since3 then it has gone into this crazy world of pain and suffering.I could only see her on the weekends and when we traveled together,which was still alot i guess.Long story short there has been red flags popping up that she could be cheating on me so i would check the house when i came on the weekend for signs of someone in our bed so recently see caught me checking my pillows that no one should be touching and she had the look on her face like the Devil, and caught me i believe she had cameras installed in the rooms to watch me from one of her maybe cheaters that has been there.She was super scary finally she said she wanted me to leave and took my garage door opener and wanted any keys i had and said we are all over.It looked like she could had killed me like she was a hole nother person.Wow…So much for the holidays it was just my birthday i thought maybe she might want to do it on my birthday for maximum pain and suffering but 2 days later and just before the holidays is good enough for her i suppose.Lots of stuff in between things happenning but i have seen her turn into another person on several instances very strange and scary.

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