I have always known that I was the least loved of the 3 kids, and mattered little. Words are merely words; I can say "I'm an astronaut!" At 16 she still cannot do a lot of basic things such as grooming, priority-setting and she spaces out if she's not kept on task. On the other hand, if your problem is an emotional problem other than postpartum depression, than you have to look within to find the source of your feelings. You're about to go bed, and you look one last time at your sleeping child... the one you can't love. Lots of creativity, musicality and athleticism. ... and yet for some reason you can’t love yours. Please consider listening to the Louise Hay audiobooks You Can Heal Your Life, and The Power Is Within You (you can find them for free on yt, along with a lot of useful vids from Jerry Wise, also free). Popular or local values project its various ideals onto a society that then mutates it according to some other factor(s). You know when someone feels something for you because shock horror, you can feel the emotion, the energy from that person. if someone mature age and lots of package from his/her own childhood to love their own children or resenting their own children) seeing therapist expensive process so what can be alternative ??? To parents who come across this comment and article, be less critical judgemental of your children. As a result, they were able to develop more compassion for their past, and for their present-day limitations. So what about children with ADHD and schizophrenia? That paints with a very broad brush and you lose credibility. My mum cannot feel emotion as as she approaches 80, still scrambles for excuses and other people to blame for her mistakes, denies the things she did to me or claims forgetfulness, feels her 'job' ended when I reached adulthood (and actually it was somewhat of a blessing when it did), tries to get me to conceal or bury my feelings away and has never learned to give support rather than advice leaving me a failure in work, love and life despite being blessed with everything else required for success. Whenever I would tuck that little one into bed and kiss those soft baby cheeks, my child would stare at the ceiling, ignoring my affection. The point is that no one makes comparisons between parents in this setting. Not all of those people are monsters. Any comparison is really an attack by the critical inner voice. Moreover, there are often confusions over it. I am not in love with my child’s father anymore but I don’t know how to leave. Thankfully, if this is your problem, it can be solved. Many parents have a negative self-image which they unwittingly extend to their children. I was a single mommy, only 27, with four kids. He's not you: he's an entirely different person and who knows why he is able to hold on to his love and concern. You are admirable for your humility and insight and integrity. Stop pregnancy and realise why i have little to no bond but imitation parenting going on. The truth is people end up having kids for various reasons, you can't always plan having a kid and not everybody is aware of their issues and this sort of article only says:"You shouldn't have had a kid to begin with." This article is not about enhancing shame. "They" (who?) or need to do change the situation/themselves to become good enough family ?? These guilt feelings further contaminate the situation for those individuals who may be unable, because of their own upbringing, to provide their children with the necessary love and care they need. It's common to think your child doesn't love you when they're young or when they're a teenager. Reply. A new theory aims to make sense of it all. I would actually prefer it if they turned around and be brutally honest about what they feel but they won't because that involves risk and a lack of control. Mine suddenly divorced my dad and gave him custody of me and my sister when I was about 7, and I've been emotionally stunted ever since-i already had high levels of anxiety for a kid, that level of rejection sent me running for cover. Thinking you love your children is not love. ........... You survived; you have insight; you're in therapy -- you've built a palace! 5. It serves no constructive purpose for parents to conceal their inadequacies from a child. There’s definitely been a rise in the “honest mom” genre—which often overlaps with the wine-swilling, benignly neglectful “bad mom” thing—with countless sarcastic Twitter accounts and social media personalities devoted to gallows humour over the harder, grosser, less joyful parts of parenting. In the process of dulling their pain, they close off many aspects of themselves and, to varying degrees, become emotionally deadened. Even the shoes are the same. Obviously, impressing sameness is highly damaging to children. My mother decided after two guitar lessons that I wasn't practicing hard enough (my fingers had blistered), and she signed me up for soccer -- despite the fact I told her I didn't want to play soccer! It's like being in an abusive relationship that you not only can't escape but that you have to feel guilty about wanting to escape. Even though she lost custody for almost a decade. And if your marriage is difficult or unhappy, your child can become a pawn in your relationship. Growing up, I had hoped to someday have a daughter, and I … ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You chose to have sex, right? It vindicates their belief that they are alone in this world. I wish I could control+z her out of existence. The more self‑protective a person is, the more he or she will act out his or her defenses on the child and progressively fail to perceive the child correctly and encourage healthy development. It is here that you can become competitive for your mate's attention towards your son or daughter. Thank God he has a dad who somehow loves through all of this, but there's a reason my son has no friends and is a teacher's worst nightmare. Report. I agree with what you say, however, children who have inadequate bonding with their parents are at higher risk. But raising children isn't a hobby or anything. Take care. Once it is pointed out the parent has a chance to correct it. When I had PND (with both my DDs) I felt very much like you have described. Now I know. 8. Telling you love your children is not love. You have a lot of wisdom to share with others. What are they thinking at that moment? Also if you son is somewhere on Asperger spectrum, his brain doesn't pick up social cues from others the way we "normal" do, and that's certainly not your fault. He’d get a ticket and we’d pay a big fine and take him to court services for his probation and to a psychologist. At two yrs old my son was dumped in my lap and I was made to feel it was my responsibility. Anyone can tell someone they love someone but look at a person's behaviour and that tells you all you need to know. We had 3 more children. Patricia, 48, and a teacher living in London, is matter of fact about her indifference. Sometimes, people fall out of love. But when it comes to my kids, I feel nothing. I don’t have much of a relationship with her anymore after 37 years of trying to earn her love, but I’m not angry anymore. I read your comment and im basically like you. It’s not that you don’t love him anymore it’s that your marital status changes from partner with love and care for each other to care giver with no intimacy or affection which is very difficult.

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